Psalm 30:2-3

“O Lord my God, I cried out to you for help, and you restored my health. You brought me up from the grave, O Lord. You kept me from falling into the pit of death.”

I have faced several dark depressions in my past, which definitely seemed like the pit of death at the time. Depression and mental illness run in both sides of my family, and I suppose I carry the gene that predisposes me to this disease, not to mention my melancholy, introverted natural bent. Circumstances also played a major role in precipitating my depressions. Social transitions, grief when my best friend moved away, and unresolved anger over my parents’ divorce all contributed to several depressions during my teen years. I was 16 years old during the darkest period, when I would come home from school and lay in bed for hours, contemplating suicide. When I think about those intensely painful times, I shudder at how close I truly came to the grave, and I marvel at the ways God brought me up out of it. He always had his hand on me, even when my thinking was so dark and distorted, and he truly saved me from myself.

After I got married at 23, only a few weeks passed until I recognized depression warning signs. For the first time I sought professional help, because I felt responsible to my husband since my actions directly impact him. The counselor showed me that my depression was caused by anger turned inward, and as I worked through my repressed anger, I gained freedom and confidence. In just a few months, I felt so much better, and my faith was renewed as well. God truly heard my cries for help and he restored my mind’s health.

Since I’m predisposed toward depression, I face a lifelong struggle to redeem my thought-life. But I’ve learned that when I ask God to help me battle negative thinking, he meets my needs in very practical ways. I’ll pick up a Christian psychology book that speaks directly to my issues, or a dear friend will visit and listen to my sad feelings, but also encourage me in my faith. And God also cheers me up with the beauty of his creation. We live in the woods, and we have a large pond that we can look out upon from the living room. On particularly difficult days, he has sent a beautiful blue heron to our pond, or a family of orioles to feast from my bird feeders. These birds only visit a few hours at most, and as I watch them I think about Matthew 6:26, when God says I am far more valuable to him than the birds, which he cares for so lovingly.

Sometimes when I’m driving to town, looking in my rearview mirror at my three precious children, I think about the 16-year-old me who could have thwarted my chances to experience these blessings if she’d followed through on her self-destructive plans. And that’s when I thank God that he did indeed keep me from falling into the pit of death, and he brought me up from the grave. All the glory belongs to Him.

If you are struggling with depression, I urge you to seek professional help immediately, from your pastor or a Christian counselor. Focus on the Family can refer you to a counselor in your area if you call 1-800-A-FAMILY. God loves you and wants to help you. There is always hope…I am living proof!

Copyright 2009